Monday Manglish-- I Want This Hat

"I see the splendid future over... It do not be please smashed."

One of my English students (a fourth grade girl) came in wearing this hat.

I do not have a hat like that...

I wish I had a hat like that...

I plan to look for one and wear it the next time somebody predicts the end of the world;-))

Monday Manglish-- I *Had* To Buy It...

[I know it's not actually Monday now-- but this was written on Monday.  Blogger, for some mysterious Blogger-ly reason, wouldn't let me post for two days.  Again.  I also avoided commenting since a friend who comments here said she'd had a bunch of comments lost-- gomen!  Blogger seems to be having quite a few hiccups these days...]

This is what happens when I go to the store without my camera.





I occasionally end up buying things I don't need-- like *another* pencil case.  But since this was the only one of it's kind....

It's not even all that exciting to look at, is it.  Black, normally-shaped pencil case with logo and message.

Let me just zoom in on what it says down there in small letters...

Don't even try to tell me you wouldn't have bought it, too;-))

Monday Manglish-- Cool Towel

A Cool Towel-- Must Haz!

So, I had to go to the drugstore to buy a new thermometer (or a "tempehchuu", as my kids call it;-)...the other one was lost and I was pretty sure Cici was running a fever this morning (yup--38.7.  Eek.)

So I walk in to get a thermometer... and walk out with Cool Towels!  For Baseball, of course, for Koshi and Teddy at practice when it gets hot.  It says you're supposed to get the towel wet, then put it on your neck or arms.  But that's not all it said...

"

"Being cool, feeling it is good, it is appearance of the towel of the new material."

One look at that copy, and I felt totally justified in shelling out 598 apiece for Cool Towels.  Being cool! Feeling it is good!  And the last part could be used for anything, really--just take out 'towel' and 'material'.    "It is appearance of the (X) of the new (Y)."... I think Apple or Chevy could put that to good purpose, don't you?

I'll let you know whether they actually work or not;-)
Mata asobou, ne!

(p.s.-- I did remember to get a thermometer, and did not completely lose my head over the exciting towels.  And Cici's tempehchuu is *down* now:-)

Land of Cute--Strawberries and... Skulls?

"Skallberry"

The Skull motif has infiltrated *everywhere* lately.  It started out mainly on boys' or adults' clothing in the usual biker designs... then it made it's way to young boys' t-shirts and jackets... then it migrated to girls' shirts and such, where the skulls began appearing with stars and hearts for eyes...  This year, they've gone totally cute--hearts for eyes, pink sparkles, mixed with strawberries.  On panties, no less.  Srsly. ;-)

Monday Manglish--Vegetable Laundry?

Salad Breeze!  So this is therefore a .... laundry product?

Laundry?

Oh yes, indeed-- see?  Laundry pinches, for hanging things over my laundry poles and clipping them in place so they don't blow down on the ground.  I hate having to haul down four flights of stairs to get stuff that's blown down there.  At least now, though, I can usually get one of the kids to do it;-))

Well, I see a carrot--that must be the orange pinch.  And a cabbage, naturally the green pinch.  Elsewhere on the package I saw a yellow pepper, which must correspond to the yellow pinch.



And this has... what?  Exactly?  To do with laundry?

"Salad Breez" (sic) is a laundry series of fresh coloring to imagine delicious vegetables.

Ahh--naturally.  How extremely silly of me not to have thought of it.

Monday Manglish--For Good Tasty

To adult readers--from time to time, I buy snacks not because I want to eat them, but simply because the packaging just slays me.

This was one of those snacks-- nice little vanilla wafers. 

"You can enjoy this wafers, for good tasty and healthy life."

I just love Manglish that can actually be turned to good purpose and used to comic effect in conversation or writing.  Laughter is good for you, after all--and isn't that the necessity for the healthy life? ;-)

For good tasty-- I am *so* stealing that!

Itadakima--su!

Monday Manglish--Thanks

(ignore the hole in the middle of the napkin, please--somebody touched before Mama could photograph...)

This particular Manglish expresses, rather endearingly, just what I'd like to say to all you Dear Readers:  Thank you for your coming!

My husband still says this, in spite of many gentle reminders of the correct format... I quit correcting him because, as with the cute things that children say, it's so sweet the way he says it (in his accent) that I hope he never fixes it.  (Although, in his case, he's usually saying the related telephone phrase to my parents-- "Good morning!  Sank you for your calling!")

Monday Manglish--Kitteh Characters

The title of the above video (for maximum laffs) is "Store Manager Leon:   Goalkeeper"...Kawaii, desho!

Cute--but not actually the point of this post, which is Manglish...and why you shouldn't put your implicit trust in Google Translator;-))

Here is the Translator version of Leon's character description from the NekoCafe Leon website:

The temperature" signs son (?) You Leon. ちょっと頼りなさそうに見えちゃう、 Are unlikely to rely on my eyes a little
くるみ型の瞳は思わずギュッと守ってあげたくなっちゃう。 Walnuts type eyes tight gonna keep having her involuntarily.
ちなみにチャームポイントはマンチカン種特有の短い足。 Charm Point Munchkin species-specific way, short legs.
てふてふと歩いている姿は見る人すべてをメロメロにしちゃいます。 Chaimasu Tefutefu is walking with her to everyone who's drunk.

??

I may not be the best J-E translator in the world, but I'm fairly certain that given an uninterrupted half-hour (which, by the way, are hard to come by around here...), I could produce a translation that would at least sound more-or-less like, well, English instead of a dead-drunk Salaryman with his necktie around his head trying out his high school English on passing foreigners...  Maybe.;-))

Half An Hour And One Slice Of Strawberry Tart Without So Much Rat In It Later*...

 "Cafe Leon's Posterboy Leon!  I can hardly believe my eyes...
Walnut-shaped eyes squeezed tightly shut, I want to protect you...
Short legs are the special charming point of the Munchkin breed.
His waddling stride melts everyone's hearts.

...or something like that;-))

Where Google Translator goes off the rails is really the same way that first-year foreign language students do-- by making literal, word-by-word translations utterly innocent of context.  When I taught German, I didn't *let* the first-year kids use a bilingual dictionary when they were writing.   Most words have multiple meanings, and the way you choose the right word is by knowing the context in which it will be used.  Google Translator (useful as it surely is for straightforward timetables or price-guides and such in Cyrillic or Greek or Japanese even) is, in the end, a machine that doesn't appear to be programmed to understand context or slang in human language (which is, I can assure you, a HUGE undertaking).

But, even better than silly translations, I got this awesome Haiku from Official Haiku Maker Jerry, who said he'd write one for me if I hauled out my Kanji dictionary to improve upon Google Translate...

 Leon, the store boss
Like a prairie dog he stands
Dwarf, tall in spirit 


*Love!*
 
Mata asobou, ne! 

*Monty Python...can't for the life of me remember which sketch.

Monday Manglish--Cici's Yellow Shirt

This is Cici's favorite yellow T-shirt...complete with misspelling and wackiness.  When we go home, I tend to pack shirts that were either purchased in America to begin with, or those which are graced only with a picture...

The misspelling is, of course, "your" for "you're"--though, unlike poorly educated Americans, the creators of this t-shirt can at least claim non-native speaker status as the reason for their (not "there") mistake....

"It is a woman who always shines
     and it is painful."

You know, I can usually look at Manglish and have some idea of what the writer was thinking in Japanese (because it's the sort of mistake that happens when translating too literally from one language to another).  So, you ask, what was this writer thinking?  NO IDEA!  This one is so weird, I can't even piece together what they were trying to say in Japanese...

Monday Manglish--Well, Almost...

I stopped to look at this while walking through the Daiei the other day.  I thought at first that my daughter would like it, but it's more like a dress...so maybe not.  It resembles her "Attack Heart" sweatshirt, so I stopped to see what it said....

"The State of N.Y.    is a state in the Mid-Atlantic & Northeatern regions of the U.S."  heart.

Weeeeellllllll....almost.  It's not grammatically incorrect (though they left the "s" out of "Northeastern")--quite the contrary, it's almost painfully grammatical.  And textbook-ish, as though somebody lifted a sentence right out of their high school English textbook and (mis)copied it onto a T-shirt dress.  It's a cute dress, with cute, sparkly hearts--it just that you don't normally find precise statements (with or without spelling errors) of the geographical location of the State of New York adorned with pink and white sparkly hearts....:-))

Land of Cute--The GodJesus

I don't actually own one of these ( 'I feel so unfulfilled!'), I've just seen it floating around the web.  The GodJesus toy was produced in Japan in the 80's, and works more or less like a Magic8 ball, only more exciting.  You ask it your question, clap your hands, and it rolls forward a little, nods or shakes its head, then bows and its eyes flash red!  Mr. Salaryman, who lives up in Tokyo, put up video of his God-Jesus.  Yes--he actually owns one!  And not just one, but several,which he's purchased via on-line auction (not e-bay:-((  Ahh--to be so uninhibited!  Though it must be stated, and even he admits, to a growing addiction for the diminuitive toy.

But I don't want to stop! I'll buy every God-Jesus damn God-Jesus that comes my way and I won't apologize for it.              --Mr. Salaryman

Yes--I desperately covet a GodJesus, and since toys aren't specifically mentioned in the tenth commandment, I think I can covet in smite-free safety... 

But, you ask, is it cute?  Isn't there a pink one?  This is Japan, foolish skeptic--of course there's a pink one!  And, it seems, Mr. Salaryman wasn't able to purchase this one...  (although at Y9800, I probably won't be, either--boo hoo).
 
The image at top is via Engrish.com--and I highly recommend stopping over there, too, just to read the comments...  My favorites:

"Holy spirit not included"... and  "Now with realistic smiting action!"

Why, oh why, did Bandai stop producing these?!  *Cho* kawaiiiii, desho?!

p.s.--I debated whether to title this "Land of Cute" or "Manglish", because it's really both.  I finally went with Land of Cute, but the post is filed under Manglish as well, since Engrish.com is (of course) a site completely given over to the delights of Manglish/Engrish:-))

Monday Manglish--Cici's New Wallet

Cici lost her wallet a week or so ago, so Papa took her to buy a new one the other day.  A different color than the old one, but otherwise identical.  Or so I thought until I actually *looked* at the thing:

...wait a minute.  What does that say?  Was that not there before?  Am I blind, or did I just not notice?

"We would like to hand our goods to you.  You must be satisfied with it!"




We would like to hand our goods to you.... somehow that just doesn't seem like a very wallet-y slogan....

Mata asobou, ne....

Monday Manglish--Cici's Tshirts

Most of the time I buy Tshirts for my daughter based on color, whether or not I think she will wear it, and whether it looks slightly girly since she has been going through a phase where she wants to look exactly like her brothers (probably brought on by wearing hand-me-downs as play clothes:))  No pink--black. Yellow.  Green. And Pokemon.  And dinosaurs and bugs.  Which is fine, but girls' clothing in Japan tends to be over-the-top Girly-Girl, and tough cookies if you don't like pink.  So when I saw a black and white Tshirt with sparkly gold butterflies, I grabbed it.  Cute, but not in-your-face.

 See?  Cute butterflies, but black to avoid opposition in the morning:))

"Lovely like the DOLL"...ok, whatever...

"It is lovelier after it puts on this clothes"
("It"?  Was this translated from German?)

"Therefore, I recommend everyone this Love Clothes"
(Is this a Hippy shirt?)

"And I only have to become Lovely & Cute"
(Should I really be putting this on my 6-year-old daughter?  Will this damage her self-esteem?  Oh yeah--she can't read it:))  Oh well--the butterflies are pretty...

Monday Manglish--Best Bread Message

What follows is my all-time favorite Manglish.  It used to be printed on every bag from the Hokuo Bakery, but, alas, no longer.  If I ever find out who told the management of that company that their bread bag message was loony, I'll... I'll... think of something suitably horrible later.  My sister had the foresight to scan one of the bags, that it might not be lost to the world:

"Our little friend "TOMTE" use magical secret-power for delicious BREAD that.
Well enjoy in next morning.  Children who living in NORTHERN EUROPE tell us secret that just baken BREAD.  Yes......TOMTE's secret.  HOKUO as, BREAD country SAPPORO is very similar with TOMTE's land."   (click on photo so you can read the words:))

I used to patronize this particular bread shop just to get the bag.  It was so wacky, it made the bread taste better.  Well enjoy in next morning!

Monday Manglish--Halloween Edition

Lately all the little girl's tshirts are sporting skulls--cute skulls, naturally, this being the Land of Kawaii (not the Land of the Rising Sun--they only said that to tick off the Chinese).  For some reason, though, these shirts seem to be available only in kids' sizes.  Believe me, if I find one in grown-up sizes, I'll have five:))

                                                           
                                                                 
"The Life Is Various...

Surprise
Luck
Cries
Laughter

WHICH IS GOOD?"

Look carefully at those skulls.  Notice the eye sockets?
Exactly.  Stars for eyes on the lower left skull.  An upside down heart for an eye on the lower right skull.  Only in Japan, I swear, would anyone put skulls on tshirts and cutsie them up with hearts and stars.  Whenever I see stuff like this, my reaction is always half charmed bemusement,  half face-palm. 

   Of course, I say that, even though I'd trade a finger to find that shirt in my size.                                                                                          

...And then there's this one.  "Let's Party For You...SKULL ROCK...Love Shock".  With hearts around, and again, the heart-shaped eye socket.  The hair bow, though, is what really gets me.  How the heck do you get a hair bow to stick to a skull?  With Mighty Putty?
Note:  Halloween is slowly taking hold in Japan, too.  Not actual door-to-door TrickorTreating, mind you, but parties and decorations and Halloween themed snacks and candy.  Why?  Because dressing up little kids is  CHO KAWAIIII (totally cute), of course:-))  Happy Halloween, all!

Monday Manglish--The Notebook Edition

Today's Manglish was all found on notebooks.  All of which I purchased for the sole purpose of owning such delightfully silly prose, and having it in convenient notebook form to carry around and snicker over at will.  One must have something thrilling to read on the train, after all:))

"Time to look at beautiful jewel,
      it is a terrible, luxurious time."

I'd love to know why somebody thought the word "terrible"
belongs in there....

"a look of fearless determination

       DAUNTLESS"

Those phrases are, of course, perfectly sensible.  Just not necessarily
on the cover of a very small ring notebook.  I chose to use this one to
keep my food diary in, assuming that if I intend to take off the pounds
I put on at my parent's over the summer, I would need to be...
    DAUNTLESS!

And finally, simple and sweet, "This is a durable and simple cover notebook.  This notebook is usable in various uses."  Usable in various uses... and yet you don't dare give them a Thesaurus:))

Monday Manglish-Baseball

Today's Manglish I found on the side of a baseball arcade game at the batting center.  Papa took us all to have a go a batting, and though I wasn't really in the mood, I went along anyway.  Who knew I'd find this treasure of a Manglish tucked away upstairs!

"This nostalgic game machine for which everyone was waiting.  Appearance from ATLUS
                       Desire in the interior of your chest is sure to be woken up."

Desire in the interior of your chest?  Oh dear, bilingual dictionaries can be useful...or very, very dangerous if you don't speak the language("I will not buy this tobacconist...").

Monday Manglish

Today's Manglish was also found on a girl's tshirt which I fortuitously spotted at Daiei a couple of days ago.  I notice that really wonderful Manglish like this tends to be on children's clothing, unfortunately.  If it came in my size, you'd see me walking around with a slogan this silly pasted across my chest:

It's not the bit about "Our Feelings are Made Known To The World".  Above that, in pink.  The bit about "My prayer will Flap and Reach the distance".  Oh, will it now?  I had no idea that prayers could be described as "flapping" as they make their way to heaven, although if the author of the above had ever read of a prayer "winging its way to heaven", he or she could be forgiven for assuming that "flapping" would be a perfectly acceptable verb to use with the noun "Prayer"... :))

Monday Manglish

More from tshirts--or, in this case, a sweatshirt.  Specifically, one of my daughter's sweatshirts.  She was in her "no pink!" phase, so I took her to Daiei so she could pick out her own sweatshirt (with the corollary assumption that she would wear it if she picked it out).  So she picked out a nice, black sweatshirt.  With an enormous pink sparkle heart and gold sparkly letters (Mommy was all...??!!??...whatever, honey, *you* wear it!).  "Sunshine Beauty Girl" in big, sparkly gold letters. 

(...early signs of Goth?  Or she just wants whatever she sees her brothers with?  Yeah, probably that:))






But the heart...

ATTACK HEART!  Whoa--my daughter  is Buffy the Vampire Slayer!  I don't think American (or British, or Australian, or Canadian, for that matter)  parents have to restrain themselves from snickering every time they look at their children's clothing....but that's what I do every time I see my Baby Cici with "ATTACK HEART" emblazoned across her chest.  This is how I use up all my self-control...

Monday Manglish

As I've noted before, tshirts are the other rich source of Manglish.  I've purchased tshirts for myself before simply because I liked the idea of walking around with something that wacky emblazoned across my chest, knowing all the while that nobody else would get it.

I saw the tshirt above on an elementary school girl in front of me on her bike and thought, "wow--all those words are spelled right!  Surely they must *mean* something...."  But, try as I might, I could make neither head nor tails of it.  Like one of those pentamino puzzles, just when you think you've got it--but, no, there's a piece left over.

From wave

your

message

there is hot

we feel

dream

that wild

It does have a haiku feel to it though, don't you think?  Any and all interpretations welcome:))